Why Bother?

Once in awhile most artists hit the proverbial wall and ask themselves "why bother?"  Am I even getting better? Am I making a difference?  I'm certainly not making a living, yet I feel like I am on a treadmill of create, sell, buy supplies, repeat.  At some point will there be point or purpose, a conclusion, or do I just create day in and day out just for the sheer pleasure of making art?  I don't make art that has hidden meanings, iconography, or social topics.  I just paint what I like, usually things in my life that hold meaning to me, or subject matter in my immediate world.  Hay bales, flowers, horses, landscapes, military scenes.  Often I paint because I know it is a subject that will sell, and yes, I need to sell to get more paint.  It's a vicious cycle.

Today was one of those melancholy days where I miss my friend Scott who could answer lots of these questions for me.  I visited his blog he wrote in the last 2 years of his life, and I read some his final words.

 Shame on me for my pity party while he struggled to deal with life's biggest questions.  Why didn't I see it then.?   I suppose I did, in a way, because I tried to help....but I didn't really see his anguish back then as I do now, 6 months later.   One particular post always gives me hope however, and as I read it today, I have to smile as I hear his ever optimistic voice and grateful spirit.  Shortly before he passed, he wrote the following article "Why bother".  Not only are his words an inspiration, but the comment by a stranger that follows will forever be in my heart, and I know there is a reason to continue on the course I am on.

Often, my friend Kelly and I lament that Scott didn't have the chance to do as much with art as he would have liked, because he was starting to do so well.  Part of me believes I keep going for him, because he never had the chance.  Miss you Scott.